Why Being in Love Feels Like Magic
John Wayne described love best, but he was talking about a country, not a person. Religion says it best, but that’s talking about belief in an ethereal being, not a person. Why does True Love feel the same as patriotism and religious faith?
Four or five months into being in love, I started visiting cathedrals. I observed catholics in their element; in their big beautiful building with all its sparkle and belief, and I saw them all completely surrendered to their belief in god. I saw them committed and entirely conceded to their belief in this potentially non-existent magical being.
I spent a lot of time in cathedrals, especially in services in Westminster Cathedral. I watched and I listened to the words they told each other. I put myself in the middle of that environment — the temple of all holiness and where these so-called magical beings have presence. I do not believe in any gods and I am not religious, but I found something about this comforting.
I had two previous relationships, but they were very short lived and were merely the normal two month relationships you have as you come of age. They meant a lot to me, but I was not in love with either of them. This third one was my first properly meaningful, adult relationship. It was the first time I was experiencing the feeling of strong, deep love. It was the first time I had experienced a feeling so strong it felt like True Love. It was making me into a better and less guarded person. Every day I found myself less and less cynical, and as a result my underlying vague agnostic ideas and beliefs about the world were strengthening.
In this time, I spent a lot of time thinking about my beliefs and why love appeared to be bringing them out. I found many overlapping aspects between religious people’s belief in god, and my belief in the divine, and the belief in love.
As I mentioned, I am not religious, but I have my own various beliefs about various magical elements at work in the universe. I found that the more I fell in love, the more these beliefs strengthened. The more they glowed and felt like a powerful, real existence in me, the more they overlapped with my beliefs in love. As both my beliefs in love and my beliefs in the divine exponentially grew and increasingly overlapped with each other, I found that my feelings of love almost became indecipherable from my feelings of the divine. Real Love and the divine felt as though they were one and the same force.
Cathedrals provided me with a space to really feel connected with the divine, even if I did not subscribe to the religion they represent. They gave me a moment of peace, away from my home where I could become easily distracted or fill my brain with background media. Cathedrals were devoid of background media but they surrounded me with only beauty instead. While I was in a cathedral, my eyes and mind were full of only beauty. Everyone around me was driven by blind hope, and I felt encouraged to be driven by hope too. For the first time for me, being filled with hope and belief felt like the strong thing to do, rather than the weak decision. It filled me with an incredible amount of strength, and the more connected I felt to the divine, the more hope and belief I felt in love. I felt at peace.
In religion, there is this blind utter hope that god will always catch you, and will always pull through for you. There is this complete faith that at every moment and at the end of times, you are never alone. It provides people with this feeling of a warm presence that they know will always prevail. This is how I felt about love. I still feel like this about love, although now I do occasionally have my doubts about whether or not it will prevail, just as all religious people occasionally doubt god.
But these beliefs became a part of my being. My beliefs about the divine gave me this hope about love, and it is a feeling that has stayed with me. It is a warm glowing feeling of assurance that makes me feel as though I just know somehow, that True Love will always come through in the end. It might take a few hits and a few path deviations, but I built this very strong faith that lovers who are meant to be together will always eventually come through for each other, in the end. Anyone who has felt True Love, I believe never truly lets go of it, and holds it in their heart. I believe anyone who has felt True Love always either sticks with it or comes back to it, and makes sure they never let go of it forever.
Of course, I clearly believe in a ‘meant to be’.
It is possibly a delusional faith but it is my strong belief, and it gives me hope. The feeling of being truly in love made me believe in the more ‘magical’ elements of the world, and these beliefs in turn strengthened my faith in love, and that love always comes through in the end. It made me believe that if two people are meant to be, they always ensure their paths come back together, even when they sometimes deviate. This strong faith I built was incredibly reassuring, and it has become a very strong part of who I am today.
One would expect me to be more cynical in these ideas by now, as it does not seem that True Love has worked out for me now. However, I have found these beliefs very comforting in this time. Instead of discarding them, they have provided me with a comfort and a peace. They have provided me with an acceptance.
Something that felt like it was ‘meant to be’ is not always. My first two relationships for example, when I was 16 and 18. I thought they felt like they were meant to be at the time because I was very young and they were my first kiss and the first person I had sex with.
However there is a distinct difference between this ‘first time delusion’ and then the Real Feeling. If my beliefs in how the world works come through for me, then I really do believe the Real Thing always comes back together in the end, at the right time. Sometimes it just needs to take a few path deviations.
If the person who felt like your soulmate does not come back to you, then it simply was not the Real Thing. If True Love (god forbid) becomes unrequited, then it is not True Love. So the only thing to do is to have faith, and see what the future holds. But this magic that love gives you — this feeling of magic and faith and home, is not to be taken for granted. It really does feel like magic.
I was taken by John Wayne’s infamous lyrical quote on why he loves America. I have never been to America, but somehow his patriotism and the way he describes his love for America struck a chord. Something in his words show how his love for America makes him feel alive, and a ‘bigger’ version of himself and at home. At the same time as this excitement there are those feelings of unwavering loyalty and the inner strength and absolutely undying faith this gives you. To me this is exactly how I feel in romantic love.
For me, John Wayne’s words are exactly how it feels to be alive when you have faith, and when you are in love:
‘You ask me why I love her, well give me time, and I’ll explain. Have you ever seen a Kansas sunset or an Arizona rain? Have you drifted on a Bayou down Louisiana way? Have you watched the cold fog drifting over San Francisco Bay? Have you heard a Bobwhite calling in the Carolina pines? Or heard the bellow of a diesel in the Appalachia mines? Does the call of Niagara thrill you when you hear her waters roar? Do you look with awe and wonder at a Massachusetts shore…Where men who braved a hard new world, first stepped on Plymouth Rock? And do you think of them when you stroll along a New York City dock ? Have you seen a snowflake drifting in the Rockies…way up high? Have you seen the sun come blazing down from a bright Nevada sky? Do you hail to the Columbia as she rushes to the sea, or bow your head at Gettysburg, in our struggles to be free? My pulse runs fast at the might of her domain. You ask me why I love her? I’ve got a million reasons why. It’s my beautiful America, beneath Gods’ wide, wide sky.’
- John Wayne
It takes enormous strength to allow yourself to have hope in things that make you vulnerable, such as love. But in love’s challenges, doubts, path deviations and darkest moments, this faith catches you, and takes you through it with the warmth in your heart prevailing.
It takes a lot of strength to have faith in the more ‘magical’ ideas. Love teaches me that faith is everything.
